Your Source for Providing a Better Customer Service and Customer Support Experience

How to Tell Anyone Anything - The Power of Acknowledgement

When you coach someone, you are probably hoping it will go something like this: first, you ask someone to change something. Then the other person politely nods their head and says that forthwith they will start logging their cases better, being nicer to customers, coming in on time, showering more often, or whatever.

But it doesn’t ever seem to work that way, does it? Instead, you often hear excuses, defenses, and their side of the story. And I am here to tell you that these things are all *wonderful* to hear. Why? Because they give you the chance to use the most powerful coaching tool of all: acknowledgement.

You see, the only reason that people ever argue with you, push back against you, or “yes” you without buying in is that they feel you don’t see their view of the world. Think carefully about the last time your boss called you out about something – how did you feel inside? Ring-a-ding-ding. We all contain an almost magical ability to justify and defend ourselves, no matter how “right” the other person is. Which means that our usual approach of showing people how wrong they are is generally doomed to failure.

Which means that one of the most powerful tools in coaching is a secret that has long been used by hostage negotiators, crisis counselors, and psychotherapists in their most difficult situations: acknowledge the other person’s view, each and every time they open their mouths. This step feels like “kissing up” to the uninitiated, but in reality it opens the door to productive dialogue. Because when you acknowledge the other person’s view of the world – which is not the same as agreeing with it – they lose the power to argue with you, and you gain the power to get more of what you want. (We’ll talk about that in the next blog installment.)

Let’s look at an example: suppose you have an agent who is rude to customers. Compare these two dialogues:

Without acknowledgement:
Chris Cranky: It’s all the fault of these stupid customers. They have no idea what they are doing.
You: That doesn’t excuse you from being polite. I expect you to be much nicer to people in the future.
Chris Cranky: (sigh) OK boss …

With acknowledgement:
Chris Cranky: It’s all the fault of these stupid customers. They have no idea what they are doing.
You: It must be frustrating when people don’t learn our product and take up your time.
Chris Cranky: You bet. I really feel stuck in situations like these.
You: Most of us would. Maybe I can help. I notice that when customers frustrate you, you sometimes say things like, “It sounds like you have no idea what you are doing.” How do people react to that?
Chris Cranky: Pretty badly!
You: Would you be OK saying something instead like, “Lots of people find software like this confusing when they are new to it. Would you like to hear about some learning options we have?”
Chris Cranky: Sure, that might help me set boundaries more comfortably.

When you break down nearly any coaching situation, taking an acknowledging stance turns defensiveness into productive dialogue – even in very difficult situations. Try it yourself and see what a change it makes!

Rich Gallagher is a communications skills expert, author, and former help desk executive. His book What to Say to a Porcupine: 20 Humorous Tales that Get to the Heart of Excellent Customer Service (AMACOM, 2008) was a national #1 customer service and business humor bestseller that was a finalist for the 2008 Business Book Awards, and his latest book How to Tell Anyone Anything (AMACOM, 2009) explores the mechanics of difficult workplace conversations. Visit Rich online at www.pointofcontactgroup.com