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If your job consisted of handing out $100 bills to people, would it be easier to talk to customers? Perhaps. But it probably doesn’t. So today, let’s look at some ways you can deliver bad news to people, in a way that will keep things polite and civil on both sides.

First, however, this is not one of these “five bullet point” articles with nice but obvious tips. This is a very powerful technique that works extremely well, based on techniques from crisis intervention. (Incidentally, I am a former crisis counselor.) But be aware that it takes practice. Whenever I teach this approach to people in live training, as I have to about 6,000 people and counting, almost everyone nods their head in agreement – and then when we do live role-playing, they freeze like deer in the headlights and revert to what they have been saying for the last 20 years. That’s OK, and completely normal.

But when people do learn it, the effect is very powerful – and when a whole team starts responding this way, a process that often takes weeks of coaching, the results are truly magical to watch. Deconstruct how the very best service leaders handle difficult situations with you, and you will probably find an approach similar to this. So here goes …

I call this technique “staging,” because it involves delivering bad news in three stages, each of which deflects anger and focuses the customer on a solution – and none of which are human nature. These stages are as follows:

Stage 1: Introduce what you are going to say before you say it. In other words, give the bad news second, not first. Good introductions prepare people that something important is to follow – for example:

• “Let me walk through the specifics of your warranty with you.”
• “Because this data was very important for you, I’d like to discuss some recovery options.”

Stage 2: Explain the details as you are saying it. We naturally say as little as possible when we know someone will not be happy – it is part of a survival instinct to move away from the pain. When we move towards the pain and give more specifics, we send a very powerful signal to the other person that calms them down.

Stage 3: Empathize with the other person after you say it. Remember, feelings are never wrong. So whatever customers say – every time they open their mouth – empathize with it. Even when you don’t agree with them, and in fact especially when you don’t agree with them. For example:

• “I can tell by your tone of voice that you are really frustrated about this.”
• “Absolutely, no one likes to have their computer out of service for six weeks.”

Here’s an example I use in my live training: I take my car in for repair over a small but annoying rattle in my dashboard. I call at the end of the day about it, and am told that it will cost $800 to fix it. My response? Not very strength-based! But now let’s try it again with staging:

Stage 1 (introduction): “Yes, Mr. Gallagher, we’ve looked at your car, and because it seemed to be a minor rattle in the dashboard, we were hoping it would be a minor repair. Unfortunately it turned out to be more serious than that.”

Stage 2 (details): “Like most late-model cars, your vehicle has an airbag system. When something breaks down with any components of these systems, you usually have to replace the whole module, and unfortunately this tends to be a fairly expensive repair.

Then I will ask how much is involved, and will be told the same $800 answer. At this point, am I happy? No, I am not happy. But am I angry at the person on the other end of the phone? Probably not. And that is the value of using a structured technique.

Now I will probably respond emotionally and talk about how expensive and unexpected this is. Most people would respond with “I’m sorry, I’m afraid that’s how much these repairs cost” – but instead, here is what I want you to say:

Stage 3 (empathy): “You’re right, that is a lot of money. Would you like to talk to one of our technicians and discuss what options we have?”

If you keep doing this every time I express a feeling, more than likely you will get through this transaction calmly and painlessly – and when you do it often enough, you will feel supremely confident coming in to these situations.

But remember, none of this is human nature. So here is what I want you to do: take the three, four, or half-dozen most common situations where your customers get upset, then write down what you might say for each of these three steps. Then keep workshopping them until you have something that feels really good on both sides of the transaction – and watch what happens. Good luck and have fun!

Rich Gallagher is a communications skills expert, author, and former help desk executive. His book What to Say to a Porcupine: 20 Humorous Tales that Get to the Heart of Excellent Customer Service (AMACOM, 2008) was a national #1 customer service and business humor bestseller that was a finalist for the 2008 Business Book Awards, and his latest book How to Tell Anyone Anything (AMACOM, 2009) explores the mechanics of difficult workplace conversations. Visit Rich online at www.pointofcontactgroup.com