In this blog installment, I want to look at how to change the way people react when you say “no.” And my solution is really simple: stop saying it!
Once in a while, I can read people’s minds, and I can read some of yours right now: “Rich is nuts. Sometimes customers push me to do things I am not able – or even allowed – to do. Sometimes they make outrageous demands. And sometimes they even say that something is my fault when it is really their fault. How can I stop saying no to them?”
Listen carefully: not only can you stop saying no most of the time, but both you and the other person will feel much better for it! The way to do it is by using a simple technique I call the can-can:
Always respond with what you can acknowledge and what you can do.
Suppose that someone wants a free repair on something that is no longer under warranty. Most people would say, “I’m sorry sir, we can’t do that” – and then hold the phone six inches from their ear as they wait for the reaction. Here is what I want you to say: “No one likes to see their product break down after the warranty is over. Here are some options I can offer to get this fixed …”
It feels funny at first to say this, because every fiber of our being wants to talk about what we can’t do. It also feels strange to offer something that is less than what the customer is asking for. But when you acknowledge someone first – which almost never happens in most customer transactions – and then focus on what is possible, you change the dynamics of the situation from “you versus me” to “you and me versus the problem.”
The reason this works so powerfully is that you are using the language of an advocate, which usually triggers the customer’s natural friend-versus foe reflex in your favor. Try it with your next difficult customer situation and see what happens!
Rich Gallagher is a communications skills expert, author, and former help desk executive. His book What to Say to a Porcupine: 20 Humorous Tales that Get to the Heart of Excellent Customer Service (AMACOM, 2008) was a national #1 customer service and business humor bestseller that was a finalist for the 2008 Business Book Awards, and his latest book How to Tell Anyone Anything (AMACOM, 2009) explores the mechanics of difficult workplace conversations. Visit Rich online at www.pointofcontactgroup.com
7 Responses to “What to Say to a Porcupine – Part 3: Never Ever Say No”
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[...] or Mars looking for pointers, they’d do well to take their cues from Rich Gallagher, writing What to Say to a Porcupine at The Parature Blog. He’s got smooth advice for service when you’re delivering bad [...]
I have used this as a parenting technique (learned from Parenting With Love and Logic) for my children’s entire lives with wonderfully positve results. Since I was already in the habit of “not saying no”, it has been easy for me to adapt this to the business environment, especially customer service.
Great suggestion Rich. I coach the employees I train that they should eliminate the word “no” from their vocabulary. In addition, there are several other phrases that should also be eliminated. They are:
I don’t know…
We can’t do that…
You’ll have to…
It’s our policy…
It’s not my department…
I don’t make the rules…
We can change the way businesses treat their customers. It’s just going to take us a while!
It sounds so simple! I shared this with my team today.
Similar to your “Out of warrantee” analogy is “The problem is fixed in release X, which is supported. However, the customer is not prepared (yet) to upgrade to X. How do you respond to this?
I like your advice and approach Rich. Keep it simple and say “yes”. Spend your time and efforts figuring out how to help the customer get it done.
Thanks everyone for your kind words! To respond quickly:
-Jill, good for you, good parents have a great head start on handling customer situations! I recently started practice as a family therapist, and it has been incredible to see the parallels between family and workplace communication.
-Randi, I love your list! What I really like about these is that not only are they rude things to say, but they are “catch phrases” that we have all become programmed to react negatively to.
This is why I also coach people to avoid the common phrases “I’m sorry” and “I understand” – the sentiments behind them are fine, just choose different words.
-Frank, you are correct, this is one of the simplest techniques to implement, and in my own help desk experience, one of the quickest things people start picking up.
-Doug, great question. I always focus on what *is* possible, because language is really important. Compare these two phrases and see what I mean:
Bad: “I’m sorry, you’ll have to upgrade to release X”
Better: “I can see why you need this issue fixed. Here are a couple of options I can offer you – if you are ready for an upgrade, we have resolved this in release X. If you aren’t ready for a full upgrade yet, I can also discuss some work-arounds you can use in the meantime.”
Both of these say exactly the same thing, but the way we process language is really important.