How to Tell Anyone Anything - Discussing the Issue

If you have been following this blog series faithfully, you have seen the first steps in painlessly having difficult discussions with your staff: starting in a safe place, asking good questions, and acknowledging people. Now, in this final installment, we get to the fun part: getting the issue itself on the table, whether it is performance, attitude, or even personal issues like hygiene.

When you do these first three steps well, you will find that you can now be extraordinarily frank about whatever you want to discuss – IF you do the following two things:

Step 1: Boil the issue down into facts

I am a huge baseball fan. And do you know what my friends usually say when their favorite teams lose? Things like “they stunk” or “they choked.” Here’s the problem: these terms are not only threatening, they are completely useless. There is no such thing as an anti-stink drill or a non-choking procedure. What really happened is that their team dropped a critical pop-fly in the eighth inning, or the opposing team had a more accurate pitcher on the mound – and *that* is what you can actually change.

So suppose someone literally stinks, because they don’t shower as often as they need to? The facts are as follows: “Some people are more sensitive than others when people around them get active and sweaty.” Now, instead of criticizing a person, you are troubleshooting a problem. Let’s look at how to describe some other situations factually instead of emotionally:

Emotional: You act disengaged when you are on the line with a customer. You don’t care enough.
Factual: I can see why customers sometimes react badly to you. You jump right into problem-solving – but if you acknowledge a customer first, they would feel heard and probably treat you better.

Emotional: Your performance hasn’t been up to par lately.
Factual: Normally, a typical employee handles X transactions per day. Your productivity has been about 40% of that recently.

In general, the more factual you get, the easier the discussion will go – and when people push back, get even more factual. Suppose, for example, you are talking with a support rep who has a problem getting angry with customers, and he replies, “You’re wrong, I don’t get angry”? Break this down into “I notice that you say X to customers in certain situations, and here is how they react.

Step 2: Make the other person part of the solution

Boiling a situation down into facts is an important way to bring an issue on the table, but don’t stop there! Your goal isn’t just to present issues and make people squirm – or worse, tell them what to do and risk getting “yessed” with no real progress. Your goal is to create positive behavioral changes. And the best way to do that is to invite the other person to solve the problem. Use phrases like these, and be sure to state them in the same breath as your problem statement:

• Where do you think we could go with this?
• How would you solve this problem?
• What is your take on the situation?
• What do you think might be the reasons for this?
• What would you propose?

Statements like these have two important benefits. First, you are encouraging honest dialogue. Would you rather be told, “I’ll stop doing this forthwith” and have it still keep happening – or have someone frankly acknowledge their struggles so you can address them? I thought so. More important, you are showing the other person the respect of solving problems collaboratively, and that respect, in and of itself, is a big factor in your success.

Techniques like these are extremely powerful, not only because they work so well, but because they have the accumulated wisdom of decades of behavioral psychology behind them. And when I made this approach a cornerstone of managing my own call center teams, it was truly magical to watch people grow, change, and even welcome my feedback. So put them to work yourself, and discover the secrets of being able to tell anyone anything.

Rich Gallagher is a communications skills expert, author, and former help desk executive. His book What to Say to a Porcupine: 20 Humorous Tales that Get to the Heart of Excellent Customer Service (AMACOM, 2008) was a national #1 customer service and business humor bestseller that was a finalist for the 2008 Business Book Awards, and his latest book How to Tell Anyone Anything (AMACOM, 2009) explores the mechanics of difficult workplace conversations. Visit Rich online at www.pointofcontactgroup.com

How to Tell Anyone Anything - The Power of Acknowledgement

When you coach someone, you are probably hoping it will go something like this: first, you ask someone to change something. Then the other person politely nods their head and says that forthwith they will start logging their cases better, being nicer to customers, coming in on time, showering more often, or whatever.

But it doesn’t ever seem to work that way, does it? Instead, you often hear excuses, defenses, and their side of the story. And I am here to tell you that these things are all *wonderful* to hear. Why? Because they give you the chance to use the most powerful coaching tool of all: acknowledgement.

You see, the only reason that people ever argue with you, push back against you, or “yes” you without buying in is that they feel you don’t see their view of the world. Think carefully about the last time your boss called you out about something – how did you feel inside? Ring-a-ding-ding. We all contain an almost magical ability to justify and defend ourselves, no matter how “right” the other person is. Which means that our usual approach of showing people how wrong they are is generally doomed to failure.

Which means that one of the most powerful tools in coaching is a secret that has long been used by hostage negotiators, crisis counselors, and psychotherapists in their most difficult situations: acknowledge the other person’s view, each and every time they open their mouths. This step feels like “kissing up” to the uninitiated, but in reality it opens the door to productive dialogue. Because when you acknowledge the other person’s view of the world – which is not the same as agreeing with it – they lose the power to argue with you, and you gain the power to get more of what you want. (We’ll talk about that in the next blog installment.)

Let’s look at an example: suppose you have an agent who is rude to customers. Compare these two dialogues:

Without acknowledgement:
Chris Cranky: It’s all the fault of these stupid customers. They have no idea what they are doing.
You: That doesn’t excuse you from being polite. I expect you to be much nicer to people in the future.
Chris Cranky: (sigh) OK boss …

With acknowledgement:
Chris Cranky: It’s all the fault of these stupid customers. They have no idea what they are doing.
You: It must be frustrating when people don’t learn our product and take up your time.
Chris Cranky: You bet. I really feel stuck in situations like these.
You: Most of us would. Maybe I can help. I notice that when customers frustrate you, you sometimes say things like, “It sounds like you have no idea what you are doing.” How do people react to that?
Chris Cranky: Pretty badly!
You: Would you be OK saying something instead like, “Lots of people find software like this confusing when they are new to it. Would you like to hear about some learning options we have?”
Chris Cranky: Sure, that might help me set boundaries more comfortably.

When you break down nearly any coaching situation, taking an acknowledging stance turns defensiveness into productive dialogue – even in very difficult situations. Try it yourself and see what a change it makes!

Rich Gallagher is a communications skills expert, author, and former help desk executive. His book What to Say to a Porcupine: 20 Humorous Tales that Get to the Heart of Excellent Customer Service (AMACOM, 2008) was a national #1 customer service and business humor bestseller that was a finalist for the 2008 Business Book Awards, and his latest book How to Tell Anyone Anything (AMACOM, 2009) explores the mechanics of difficult workplace conversations. Visit Rich online at www.pointofcontactgroup.com

How to Tell Anyone Anything - Be Curious, Not Furious

Once in a great while I have the ability to read people’s minds. Since you are reading this blog, I’ll bet that you are a good supervisor of customer contact professionals. I will also bet that you wake up every morning believing that you are a nice person.

And I will bet one other thing: when someone on your team does something you wish they wouldn’t, whether it is coming in late too often or snapping at a difficult customer, you get frustrated and it shows. And then when nothing changes, you wonder what to say to them.

That is where this blog comes in. I would like to change your perspective from what to *say* to what to *ask*. Because when you start asking good questions and taking a learning posture, even in really difficult employee situations, you suddenly gain the power to create real performance change. Compare these two situations and see what I mean:

Not so good:
You: Jones! You shouldn’t talk to customers that way. That sounded incredibly rude.
Jones: (Sigh) Yes, boss.

Better:
You: I’ll bet that customer was very frustrating. What were you seeing?
Jones: I’ll say. This person was demanding a refund three months after the warranty expired.
You: Wow, that must have put you in a tough spot.
Jones: To be honest, it did. I didn’t know what to say, so I eventually ended up arguing with him.
You: Would you like to learn what I say in situations like that?

Which of these two dialogues are more likely to get Jones to change? The one where you took the time to learn how Jones sees the world, of course. And the same principle would be true if he was coming in late, logging his cases incorrectly, or not taking enough showers. When you ask appropriate questions, and then track the other person’s responses, you gain valuable data you will never, ever hear by putting someone on the defensive – and this, in turn, helps you create solutions that benefit both parties.

Good questions have three goals: (1) they show interest in the other person, (2) they help people acknowledge their behavior in their own words and save face, and (3) they focus people on solving the problem themselves. Above all, good questions learn from and benefit the agent. Here are some common types of good questions:

Showing empathy:
“Does it bother you when customers ramble on?”
“It sounds like it’s been hard to get in to work on time lately. How has it been going for you?”

Gathering data:
“What kinds of situations take the longest to resolve?”
“Are there certain customer situations that get under your skin more than others?”

Opening dialogue:
“I’d like to learn more about that. What was your experience?”
“What would you do if you were in my position?”

When you use this approach, you have lots of company: for example, good therapists and good police officers are highly trained to ask lots of questions, not just to gather data but to take the heat out of potentially explosive situations. More important, the right questions help you leverage the other person’s thinking to solve problems, particularly in the non-stop world of customer contact. So next time you need help with a difficult employee situation, just ask!

Rich Gallagher is a communications skills expert, author, and former help desk executive. His book What to Say to a Porcupine: 20 Humorous Tales that Get to the Heart of Excellent Customer Service (AMACOM, 2008) was a national #1 customer service and business humor bestseller that was a finalist for the 2008 Business Book Awards, and his latest book How to Tell Anyone Anything (AMACOM, 2009) explores the mechanics of difficult workplace conversations. Visit Rich online at www.pointofcontactgroup.com

How to Tell Anyone Anything - Start in a Safe Place

Do you manage customer contact professionals for a living? You probably dream about a workplace where everyone looks forward to coming to work in the morning, gives their very best effort, and creates consistently great customer experiences.

Well, guess what – I believe you can create such a workplace. Even in a world where it seems like your agents constantly say the wrong things to customers, act disengaged, fight with each other, or sometimes even forget to shower as often as they could. And best of all, you don’t need to surgically implant different personalities in everyone. You just need to change the way you coach them.

In this four-part blog series, we are going to look at a style of coaching that has little to do with what most managers do – namely, catching people doing things wrong and correcting them. This new strength-based approach to coaching has more to do with techniques from hostage negotiation, crisis counseling, and psychotherapy than it does with traditional management. And I have personally used this approach to create near-perfect customer satisfaction ratings, near-zero turnover, and high morale on my own support teams, as well as those of hundreds of training attendees.

The first step in the process, and today’s topic, is how to always start your discussions in a safe place – a place where you are completely on topic, but never put the listener on the defensive. It doesn’t mean beating around the bush, giving gratuitous praise, or asking about the wife and kids. It means breaking down your message into its “safe” (neutral) and “unsafe” components – ideally with a pencil and paper – before you ever open your mouth.

Surprisingly, your goal at this stage is not to solve the problem. Rather, you are simply trying to get the other person talking, so you can then follow the rest of the process: asking good questions, acknowledging the other person’s view of the world, and then boiling down your concerns into facts you can both troubleshoot. We’ll talk about these steps in subsequent blog entries. But for now, we just want to create a safe opening. Here are four ways to do this:

1. Ask someone how they perform a task. Use this approach when someone is doing their job ineffectively, so you can gather information for later troubleshooting.

Example: Clara’s help desk tickets are often wrong. Start the conversation with, “Could you walk me through how you set up a help desk ticket?”

2. Explore how the agent feels. Try this opening when someone is clearly frustrated by a situation, ranging from the last customer transaction to their overall job.

Example: Jose doesn’t know what to say when a customer gets frustrated with him. Start the dialogue with, “Do you feel stuck when people demand an escalation and no one is available?”

3. Make a neutral observation. This works best when people get emotional with customers or each other.
Example: When Fred has just snapped at a customer, open the discussion with, “I can tell that certain customers frustrate you.”

4. Share your own experience. Use this approach when someone has done something ill-advised, and you want to show them a better way. Compare this with something you have done or observed in others.

Example: When Uma puts half of her cases in the wrong queues, tell her, “I used to struggle with the same issue myself” or “I’ve seen lots of people do this.”

Done well – and more importantly, planned in advance – techniques like these not only put the other person at ease, but help take that knot in the pit of your stomach when you are facing a difficult discussion and replace it with confidence. Above all, with time and practice it will change how you talk with your employees, in a way that creates productive dialogue and real performance change.

Rich Gallagher is a communications skills expert, author, and former help desk executive. His book What to Say to a Porcupine: 20 Humorous Tales that Get to the Heart of Excellent Customer Service (AMACOM, 2008) was a national #1 customer service and business humor bestseller that was a finalist for the 2008 Business Book Awards, and his latest book How to Tell Anyone Anything (AMACOM, 2009) explores the mechanics of difficult workplace conversations. Visit Rich online at www.pointofcontactgroup.com

Watch the recorded version here

Those who manage people know that it is often challenging to provide ‘constructive criticism’ or feedback without causing their employees to become defensive. All too often human nature and an instinctive need to defend ourselves takes over, resulting in resentment or resistance to suggestions for change.

This webinar features Rich Gallagher - Author of What to Say to a Porcupine & How to Tell Anyone Anything: Breakthrough Techniques for Handling Difficult Conversations a Work – exploring a fresh new approach to coaching customer service professionals. An approach based on recent developments in the psychology of how we communicate with each other focusing on strength-based coaching versus deficit-based coaching.

Rich told our audience:

• Avoid the mistake of focusing on what’s wrong and transform interactions that might become verbal tugs-of-war into collaborative problem-solving sessions
• How a painless, blame-free approach for coaching can create real performance and behavior change

If you missed the webinar, the recorded version is available here. Share your thoughts and continue the discussion here.

A copy of this presentation is available in our SlideShare profile. 

** Take a look at the How to Tell Anyone Anything White Paper – No registration required.